Rachel
SYPF (single yellow spotted female)
loves to creep around, hates greedy spiders who can't share a fly.
enjoys a wobble on the web and a nice hop in the bush. nonsmoker. call me 'any time' or rachel will do.
Roberto
simple spider, likes to roll in the hay. likes the farm types, garden spiders. enjoys spinning webs and scaring the beejeesus out of passers by.
smoker, casual drinker. :D
Timothy
shy, homebody. enjoys a quiet evening with lady spider (family Salticidae) non drinker, religious. would like to make billions of spiders with that special gal! hard worker, spins own web! the quiet type, likes long crawls on lawn furniture, a hop in the vegetable garden and on cold winter nights a warm cluttered corner in some human's attic.
Marianne
wants to share whole web with that special spider. wants to start a life and family with that special spider. nonsmoker, religious, nondrinker preferred. spider who doesn't wander off to pasture and risks life getting stomped into puss preferred. likes them domestic. enjoys the type who like large homes with small children. inquire: 1-800-eat-mites ext: 345
Greg
my 100 eyes adore you! creative, poetic. abstract web maker wants artistic, 8 legged honey. prefers Aphonopelma chalcodes but any can inquire. "likes bigger, more dangerous women" enjoys mystery and loves to watch bloodshed. rock my segmented appendages baby! casual drinker, prefers exotic flies. adventuresome, athletic and likes to jump on small children. risk makes me hot! not ready to settle down and make a web quite yet.
Amanda
i need aMANda-hug and kiss. i like a man who can weave me up some romance. loves juicy flies, but is a mite-atarian. i love to listen and 'watch' if you know what i mean baby. yes, use all 8 legs honey show me you're not afraid of self love. likes to crawl on window sills and peek inside houses and watch human love making. yes i'm a voyeur! does that make you hot? i also like to be cocooned and tickled.
Kermit
yes i was named after the frog. my parents loved the muppet show. that's why their exoskeletons are, cocooned all over my web. (don't ask, terrible tragedy, believe me) my weakness, black widows. rather stick with my own kind though. inquire! likes bondage and to crawl around on sleeping peoples faces. likes dried cereal and open cupboard doors. currently lives in 3 story colonial with a lonely, elderly, obese female arachnophobic. this promises to be fun! join me, don't wait for life to squish you in the segments.. cup it with your 8 legs and wrap it tight in webbing!
Moesha
i look bad but i'm so good. i can spin a great web and i love spun flied lice! simple pleasures... hanging from ceilings and jumping on arachophobics then darting off into dark basements. i'm a casual type and loves halloween! i'm into classical music, likes dusty table tops with big radios! also enjoys being behind the fridge! likes to go out and hop rides on children's hair and visit the local choke and puke and grab the atmosphere and some floor crumbs. doesn't like drama queens or bad asses... and definitely no brown recluses!
Deniro
they say i have an uncanny resemblance to robert dinero... you lookin' at me? you lookin' at me?! likes robert dinero. want to be my joe pesci? not looking for a relationship. is looking for a partner in endeavors in obtaining articles of interest by force. call 1-900-eat-flies, make appointment, do have credentials ready on demand. email: utawkn2me@fliesuckass.com
1000 pac
hiphop style! want to go down the blvd. with me in my suped up chariot??? word up, it ain't all about the cheddar but i do like's my bling! AND a hoe to share it all wif me in my crib with style! no fakes, no queens, i like the real thing, hard working girl if you know what i mean.
Susan
successful artist. i love to tickle through the finger paints and scurry over canvases while the children rest after recess. likes daycare or kindergarten facilities. doesn't feel right not having that special Phidippus audax to share it with. there's no joy like watching the children plow out in all directions while the teacher tries stop you with a paper towel. ok i'm kinda adventuresome. there's nothing like school lunches and some nice company! call: the bradfordville daycare and community facility in braddock lengths for more information about the little pain in the rear spider that hides in the vents. you ain't lived until you dangled from a vent just inches away from a child who's blood is pumping with sugar!
Lisa
i have nothing special all i have is my love to offer. likes the fuzzy, quiet types. social worker living in smoke free home with no children. homeowner a lawyer, always on the go. we have the place all to ourselves. free to spin our webs in all the available corners we can find... greenhouse accommodations also, so the options are endless. many flies, mites and parasites to stock up for those cold winter nights.
Armando
Michael Jackson impersonator. just had plastic surgery to look like michael jackson... is looking for lisa marie presley impersonator to make beautiful music and webs together. like dew drops and rose gardens. lives in mansion where jackson used to live. empty, quiet... needs the female touch.. (get it? touch?) likes white flies and stale cola. has nice dusty corner in back of big screen t.v. to call my own. dislikes children, monkeys and the media frenzy. enjoys silence and gazing into your thousands of eyes.
Kathleen
single mom with 20,000 kids... high class and level headed, self sufficient Pseudophrys lanigera. looking for open minded male or female companion. must like the social life and mixing it up with other species. must also work and be able to attend to my needs, no slackers! likes the trainny and diva clubs... enjoys dehydrated slime of exotic mediterranean caviar and discarded bottles of dom perignon. no rednecks, no country music no farm types. definately NO FUNDAMENTALIST RELIGIOUS TYPES! no old fashioned jumper here! you're looking in the wrong attic honey! this is a city spider you're associating with.
Mitchell
my, my, my, my mitchell. help me i used to be joe don baker and something went wrong... maybe it was the nexus or something passing through the abandoned crack house where i reside.... i wasn't always a Thiodina sylvana! please someone with some scientifical knowledge please email me and we can hook up and you make a special potion or something to help bring me back to the original state before that strange powder i walked all over did this to me! what was i doing? hi elvis, what you're going to do WHAT to me! no! stop that! STOP! that tickles! EEEK!
oh by the way you can fax me or page me... you'll have to guess what the numbers are i'm too stoned right now to figure it out.
m8legfuelcrushermcblingnome
ho ho ho word word! whatupwif that crack crawling homey? he not wif da program he's bad news like dan rather leaving and katie couric taking over it's not right... "mitchell" if datz yer real name you need to fix yasef up with life not the white junk... white is not right! git with the real. hear dat ladeez? yaw stay away from cracker barrell mitchell over there who think's he's some honkey named joe don. probably some code name for smack or PCP. i'm a smoof hoppa who be lookin' for a smoofette hoppette, no trix just the real. no drugz no partays with loozers like mitchell. i's works for da man! and i is proud of dat! i SHEET you not!
lyeekz: shakespeare.
dizlyeekz: crack ho spiders like mitchell.